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  He bends down and draws a rectangle. In each of the corners he makes small boxes, "There is a section that is for the women who are pregnant or about to be impregnated. This is probably where you'll go. Then this wing is for the younger girl who can't have babies yet. This is for the women with the babies. This is where the little girls are kept. Girls they raise to be breeders." He moves the stick to the other side and makes a smaller box, "This is where the men are, if there are any men. Sometimes they don’t have any there." He clears his throat nervously and draws an X in the middle but off to one side, "This is the fertility lab. This is where the lab coats and doctors and cleaners all stay. This is your only chance. They will have a dump somewhere near the clinic. The garbage goes every few days."

  I frown at him but Jake asks the question burning in my mind before I can, "Dude how do you know so much about the breeder farms?"

  Will blushes in the firelight, "I lived there for a time."

  Jake raises an eyebrow, "As a cleaner or a doctor?" He laughs like he knows the answer.

  Will laughs, "I wish."

  Jake shakes his head, "Nasty dude. Nasty."

  I feel lost. I look blankly at them both. Will's face looks like it's on fire, "I was forced to uhm, donate."

  I don’t understand what they're talking about.

  Jake makes an odd motion with his fist, "He had to wank his pud for the man."

  I don’t know what this means but I nod before they explain.

  Will watches my face and laughs again.

  Jake turns the hare, "So how many little Willy's are running around?"

  I feel my stomach drop. I understand. I feel judgment burn its way across my face. He shakes his head, "I don’t know. I wasn’t exactly in on the plans."

  Jake pokes the hare, "How was the life there?"

  Will laughs, "Thinking about signing up?"

  Jake looks up, "Hey if there are three square meals a day and I get all the, uhm, reading material I need to deliver the goods, I'm in."

  The humor falls from Will's face. He almost twitches when he shakes his head, "No. No three squares and material Jakey. It's more like milking a cow."

  Jake ignores the terror on his brother's face and grins from ear to ear, "Are there milk maids?"

  Will nods, "Not the kind you're thinking of. Mine was a guy named Dr. Angles."

  Jake gags, "Oh shit. Never mind."

  Will looks down at the drawing again and chuckles but I can tell he's haunted by it. "There is no human contact Jake. It's all done by machines, the girls and the boys. Anyway this section here has the surgeon's clothes and booties. Change and climb into the garbage bin in the morning on a Tuesday or a Thursday or a Saturday. The garbage comes around lunch and the best chance you have at not being noticed is then. They will be looking for you after lunch."

  I feel sick thinking about the plan. I'm not as strong as the look on my face suggests I am. I gulp.

  "I think this is done." Jake pokes the hare.

  I shake my head, "Always over cook wild animal."

  Will nudges me with his body, almost playfully, "You sure about this?"

  I nod and reach into the flames to turn the potatoes. The fire licks at my skin but I ignore it. It hurts. It's a warning of pain to come if I continue to stick my hands in the fire. Sitting between the two men I can't help but feel like it's appropriate.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I crouch in the woods gripping the branch of the tree next to me. My stomach is tumbling inside of me. If it weren’t for the fact I was scared beyond functioning, I would blame the hare. It feels like food poisoning.

  I look at the gravel on the road in front of me. I glance back at Jake and Will in the forest hidden by the trees. Jake smirks at me like a goof. Will looks worried. His face is the one I trust. He knows what I'm about to do.

  "Em we'll wait okay. We won't leave you." Jake whispers loudly.

  "You leave me and Anna if I'm gone longer than two weeks. They'll have us pregnant by then anyway." I say. I'm talking to Will. I know Jake has no survival skills. He would die in the woods waiting for us. He is loyal to the death. Will will leave me before the two weeks is up.

  Will clenches his jaw, "You be fast Em."

  "Sneaky. Fast and sneaky. Oh and don't get pregnant." Jake says. I gag.

  Terror rips through me as I hear the truck. I look at them one last time and hate myself for kissing them both.

  I take a deep breath and push myself away from the tree. I run across the road into the ditch, when the truck rounds the corner.

  "HAULT!"

  I run, not as fast as I can. My legs want to push it hard but I have to keep reining them in. They want to flee. They want to do what they're good at. But if I let them go they will outrun everyone in the truck. I will outrun the truck if I have to. I see a log on the grassy field in front of me. I brace myself for what is going to come next. I half jump and feint tripping. The ground isn’t as soft as I assumed it would be. The strands of grass are filled with sticks and branches I can't see. They scrape their way across my body as I tumble.

  The footsteps of the men, who jumped from the truck to chase me, are coming. I pretend to scramble up to run some more, but they are too close.

  Huge hands rip into my arms and throw me to the ground. They pin my face into the rough grass.

  A man speaks softly as he fondles my entire body. His hands run my legs and in between my legs. "Stay calm and we won't hurt you."

  I feel a tremble roar though me. The fear has taken me.

  "She's clean."

  "She looks freaked man. Cuff her."

  A knee digs into my back. I cry out as cold metal grips my wrists. I'm lifted off the ground by my elbows, which bends my arms at painful angles. I want to fight. My body is screaming to defend itself. I breathe heavily, as tears stream from my face.

  I look down. My shirt has drops of blood starting to make shapes on my chest.

  "She's pretty at least."

  I see them for the first time. One man is incredibly tall. He must be a foot taller than me. He looks like a man my father was friends with, named Serge. He ran an ammunition and hunting supply place, before.

  He looks at me and narrows his eyes for a moment. The other man grabs my arm and pulls me through the grass. He's closer to my height and has the fieriest red hair I've ever seen. He grins at me, "I hope you have diabetes or something."

  I frown at him. I look back at the man I'm almost positive is Serge. He looks at me and nods, "She's going to be healthy. You can tell."

  The redhead smirks, "Maybe I can find a way to fall on her before we drop her off."

  The Serge guy grips my other arm and drags me closer to him, "No. You leave her alone."

  The other guy looks confused, "Fine if you want her that’s cool. Jesus like I care. There are plenty of ladies in the back of the truck. She has no tits anyway."

  My chest is heaving with panicked breath. My face is stinging where the blood is dripping.

  I sniffle. Serge takes a cloth from his belt and wipes my face. He gulps and whispers, "Lenny. You knew Lenny?"

  I look at his green eyes and see the panic. I nod. Lenny was my father. He is Serge.

  "Em?"

  Of course he recalls my name. Dad bought my first camouflage from him. He laughed at my dad for outfitting me at the tender age of four. He hasn’t seen me since I was nine.

  "You look just like him."

  I want to smile and remember him. I always thought I looked like her. I'm too scared to do anything.

  Serge leans in, "Go with what I say okay?"

  I nod again, but glance at the redhead.

  The truck is a huge delivering truck. Men stand outside of it with guns. They smile when they see me.

  "Nice find boys."

  "Look at the ass on her."

  "Sweet god."

  Serge almost rips my arm off as he pulls me into him, "She's a fighter. I caught her, I get first dibs."

  The other guys laugh,
"Dirty bastard. You're old enough to be her daddy." One of the men opening the door winks at me as he laughs.

  "I'm gonna be her daddy alright." My stomach turns and twists. I know, no I hope, Serge is saying it to protect me but I don’t know what he's been doing for the last ten years. Maybe he likes his job. He did chase me down.

  The redhead leans in, "She smells bad Serge." Serge takes my cuffs off as the back door is swung open and I'm pushed toward the opening. I look back at the woods once and climb inside of the truck. I'm thrown forward. I feel something jab between my legs. My face hits the wooden bottom of the truck. I look back at the redhead grabbing at my thighs. I kick before I can stop myself. My boot lands on his nose. I hear a crunch as he is thrown back. He screams. Serge sees what I've done and closes the door. I don’t notice the other people in the truck, I just see the light leaving me as a scream tears through he air. "She broke my fucking nose."

  People pound on the door and muffled screams fill the air around us. I can't make it all out but it seems the redhead should be allowed to break my nose as revenge. The other men are calming him down.

  In the dark cold air of the truck I hear others. I hear breath and fear in the blackness.

  I press my sore hands into the wooden floor and push myself up onto my knees. I put a hand out in the dark and feel nothing.

  A woman whispers into the darkness, "Sit against the wall before we start moving girl."

  I crawl my aching body to the wall of the truck and sit. I press my back against it.

  In the dark I sit as reality fills the small space I am trapped in.

  In flashes I remember it.

  The crystal clear image of my hands pressed against the gun.

  The sound of her crying outside my door.

  The feel of the vibration from her pounding in her fit.

  The fear in my heart that everything will be different if I open the door. The look in Leo's eyes.

  I miss Leo.

  Will I ever see him again?

  Does he miss me?

  The truck starts up. The air and metal and wood vibrate with the engine. I take a breath. I feel something tickling at the back of my hand that’s pressed against the hard wooden floor. It's a hand. I turn my hand over. It's an automatic response. It's not something I would have done before, but the endless list of things that are possible in my world are taking turns in my mind.

  I feel a small hand fill my palm. It's a child's. Its small body is suddenly pressed against mine. I try not to shake or tremble. It must be more afraid than I am.

  We bounce down the road. I know we are less than a day's walk from the breeder farm. It can't be far in a truck.

  Soft whimpers and moans fill the truck that is no longer cool. The body heat creates muggy warmth that makes my skin feel dirtier than it is.

  The little hand in mine is hot. My hand is sweating. I want to switch hands or just drag mine up and down my pants for a second but I don’t. I wrap my hand around the small hand. I won't look away. I won't let it suffer and cry while I hide. I am different now.

  The truck comes to a stop suddenly. We are all jerked forward after getting relaxed in the repetitive motion of the drive.

  Metal scraping along the back of the truck fills the warm silent dark of the truck.

  The door swings open filling the huge delivery truck with light. The white light makes my eyes seal instantly. I cover them and brace myself. I squeeze the little hand. I see dark shapes moving around the opening.

  "Out you go bitches."

  I force my eyes open to the light. It takes a second for them to focus. I don’t look at the open door. I turn and look at the little blonde girl who is sobbing silently next to me. She is about ten or eleven. Her hair is matted and dirty. The tears have made lines of clean face in the filth. Her bright blue eyes are filled with terror. I hold her hand. I won't let her go.

  I look at the other women. They range from the young girl next to me to a lady I think is in her thirties. Fat, thin, dirty, clean, tired, crying, frozen, confused. The group is diverse. Except in color. I notice everyone is white.

  Before I can process this too much, I notice the redhead giving me a death stare from outside of the truck. He grips his rifle and watches me.

  I look down as the grin spreads across my face. I feel a nervous giggle about to burst from me.

  Serge is standing at the back of the truck. He gives me a look and grabs my ankle.

  "Let's go." He drags me from the truck. I drag the little girl with me. She won't let go.

  I see something I haven’t seen in along time. A huge shiny white building stands surrounded by a parking lot with cars parked in between the lines. There are no vines or grass growing up the sides of the building. It's clean and sparkly like before. The pavement is flat and new. There are no cracks or weeds growing up through it. There are no cars burned out or missing all the parts. The cars are real and whole. They even shine.

  My feet hit the ground with a thud. His fingers dig into my shoulders. "Don’t move."

  The little blonde is standing next to me holding my hand. She is hiding in the curves of my body.

  Serge digs his gun into my ribs, "Move."

  The men are jumping into the truck and hauling, screaming and sobbing women from the back where they’ve watched me be dragged. I walk toward the huge building. It's five stories high and looks very long.

  The little girl curls into me as Serge jabs me again with the barrel of the gun.

  I shoot him a dirty look. He winks at me.

  I hear screaming in the truck behind me. I look back to see several women walking with us, mostly the young ones. Few guards are with us. The rest are jumping into the back of the truck. My stomach curdles.

  Serge shakes his head, "Don’t watch." He whispers and hits me with the gun again. I can see the regrets in his eyes. Shame crosses his face. He knows I know. He would have been in the back of the truck with the screaming women chosen to stay behind. I can hear the tearing and screaming. It always sounds the same.

  I shake my head and squeeze the blonde into me. She clutches me tightly. I look around and make sure the other little girls are with us. I think I see them all. I want to take Serge's gun and kill the guards and save the women in the truck.

  Instead we walk through a door and a blast of frigid air hits me.

  Serge has the gun in my ribs again. I remember the feeling of the cold air. It brings a memory with it. My dad and me at the mall. He hated all the people, but he needed to get some things. I smile and remember the carousel. I'd never seen anything like it. He put a dollar in the machine and I climbed on. The horse had dark golden hair like mine. I gripped it and the machine started. The joy that hangs in the cold air fills me with bravery and courage for a minute.

  A doctor walks toward me with a white spaceman suit on. He grabs my arm and tries to separate me and the blonde. She screams and I grip her arms. I wish she could have ridden the carousel. She would have liked it.

  "She stays with me."

  The doctor rolls his eyes behind the plastic and nods, "Fine. In you go." He points to a hallway. I walk down it and am pushed through a door.

  Serge is against me and whispering in my ears, "I will come for you. Be ready. I will send you a message. I won't let you die in here."

  "Get off her soldier." The doctor sounds funny behind his mask. Serge pushes me one more time.

  I'm gripping the little girl and standing in front of a door. It opens suddenly. A lady in a space suit peers out. She smiles at me with bright pink lipstick behind the plastic, "Come this way my dear."

  Her voice is sweet.

  I glance back at Serge and the other girls being led to the hallway where I stand.

  Serge turns the corner but steals another glance at me before he vanishes.

  My arm is taken and we are led into a huge room.

  The lady bends on a knee to the little blonde hiding in my armpit, "What's your name sweetie."

  The blonde shake
s her head and nuzzles into me further.

  I look at the woman and frown, "She has never seen a space suit."

  The lady looks up at me confused, "What?"

  I point to her white suite, "She hasn’t ever seen one of these. She probably doesn’t think you're human."

  The lady laughs, "You know in ten years of doing this job I never thought about that." She looks back down at the little girl, "Am I scaring you?"

  The blonde holds me tighter.

  "You are." I say.

  She stands and points to the huge white tubes, "Well we have something for you two to do and then you can be cleared to be around people without the decontamination suits."

  I hold the shaking child to me and walk to the tube.

  I try to step away from her, silent tears are pouring from her bright blue eyes. I look at her, "Want to get something to eat?"

  She nods.

  I point to the tube, "When we are done in there and they are sure we aren’t sick they will feed us." I say it loud enough that the lady in the space suit, who is now talking to the other woman, looks at me and nods, "Yup we will get you some food."

  I pry her tiny, balled up hands from my clothes and smile softly. I step into the tube. It powers on and blue lights flash on me. A flat surface comes down on a robotic arm and a face comes on the screen in front of me, "Please place your hands on the pad."

  I smile at the little girl and put my hand on the pad. A sharp poke digs into one of my fingers. A red light moves from my fingertips to my wrist and then back again.

  The platform drops away and my hands drops down. The floor starts moving like at the airport, before.

  Suddenly fast moving air blows across me and I move deeper into the tunnel. I get to the other side and it all stops. I step off and another space suit woman comes to me, "I just need to take you to the sanitation area."

  I point to the little girl, "I have to wait for her.

  "Sorry that's not allowed."

  I growl, "I'm waiting." She sighs.

  I shout through, "See, it doesn’t hurt. It was kind of fun. Just step in. It's going to be okay. I'm right here waiting for you."