Born Page 14

  Sarah comes last. She goes into the kitchen and takes some cheese from the board where the cook is cutting. Cook smiles and rubs her head. Everyone has adopted Sarah. She is the only child on our side.

  She grins and eats the white cheese.

  She moseys around for a moment and then slips down the hall again. She walks out into the garden and shows me her piece of cheese. I smile at her. I can see eyes on me.

  Louise walks into the living room. She sees me and smiles. I smile back. She doesn’t give me a signal or anything. She turns away from the window and walks into the kitchen. She pulls out something from a cupboard. I can't see what it is but the girls inside of the kitchen and living room go to her. They seem excited.

  I walk to the door and open it.

  "Now."

  I speed walk to the metal door at the end of the hall. Anna and Sarah are right behind me. It's just like we've talked about. No talking just doing. Follow the leader.

  I slide the card and the door opens.

  We walk fast. I glance at the paper and see we need the fifth door on the right. I count them as we walk silently. At the fifth metal door I slide the card. The door opens. Once we are inside I look around.

  We are in a room with clothes. Scrubs are what Louise has called them. I pull the pale blue scrubs on over my white clothes. Anna and Sarah will never pass for a nurse but I might.

  From this small room with hallways leading from it we take a left out the door opposite we came in. I feel sick walking through here. I don’t see anyone or hear anyone.

  The lights seem brighter somehow, like they are blinding me.

  I hear a man speaking, "I'm telling you it's twins. There is no way she is that far along."

  "Impossible." A woman's voice speaks to him.

  The map says the next door on the right. I feel my hands shake as I slide the card. The man and lady are one room over. The door opens into another hallway. This place is a maze. No one would ever get out. Not without help.

  We walk straight and I open a door to the left eight doors down. I hear feet on the floor and people shuffling about, but I see no one. I wonder if it's break time or something.

  My face is covered in sweat and my heart is pounding. My chest hurts.

  The door opens to a small room with black garbage bags and metal counters. There are beds with wheels and a huge square door. It is the biggest door I've ever seen. The room is freezing cold and smells like something I have never smelled before. It hurts my nose like the air is sharp.

  I glance at the map and feel more frightened than I have yet. I look at the words. They fuzz out I look at them so hard.

  "Get into the bags."

  Sarah looks at me. I point to the black bags, "Hurry. Climb in a bag."

  I pull a soft plastic bag from the shelves and open it. The sides stick together so I shake it the way I've seen my granny do. Air separates the sides. Sarah and Anna do the same thing.

  I roll the sides and step into the bag. Every sound we make is echoing off the cold metal walls. Sarah has the bag up to her face. I tie the ends of it into a bow at the top of her head. I look at the note again and swallow hard. I open the huge door on the far wall. It makes a suctioning noise when I pull the huge silver lever. The light and heat of the midday sun beat in on us instantly. I feel like an ant under a microscope. The natural air and feel of the day is overwhelming.

  "We have to jump in."

  Sarah hops to the platform over the dumpster. A massive green bin is at the end of the platform. It is a ten-foot jump down into a bin filled with black plastic bags.

  I feel sick looking at it. Sarah looks at me through the hole in the top of her bag. Her blue eyes are watery.

  "Just jump Sarah. Try not to think or smell or anything. Just be there and know it's the way out okay?"

  She nods and closes her eyes. She lets herself tip over the end of the dirty metal platform. I see her eyes pinch as she falls slowly into the heap. A small hand comes out of the bag with thumbs up. Anna hops in her bag to end of the platform.

  "This is insane." She whispers harshly.

  I nod. I have nothing to add. It is insane. We are going to be in the dumpster with a bunch of dead girls until the garbage truck comes for us. I want to cry just thinking about it.

  I lean forward, "Sarah roll to the right so we don’t land on you."

  The dumpster is huge and I can't pick out her bag from the others. Not until I see it rolling over the body bags and moving to the side.

  Anna hops down into the pit, letting her legs fold under her. She rolls beside Sarah.

  Closing the massive door, I see a weird nozzle on a hose in the shrinking gap between the metal door and the doorframe. It's identical to the one my grampy had for washing his car.

  I turn and look around at the huge parking lot. We are behind the building. The garbage bin I'm about to jump in is one of five. The bin below me is about half full. I wonder if the others are as full. There must be thirty dead girls in my bin.

  I step off the ledge before I start processing things and scare myself, more than I already am.

  My feet land amongst the soft and stiff bodies. I let my legs fold. I wiggle down into the bag and before I tie it off I look around at us. No tears in the bags, no clothes showing. Everything is just a sea of black bags. I pull the ends up and tie them.

  "Em. I think I'm going to be sick." Anna makes a gagging noise.

  "No just close your eyes." I listen for her to get sick. Then as if instinctual I recall what my father used to do when I was having a panic attack.

  I lick my lips and whisper softly, "I want you to try to imagine something. I went to this place. I met Will there. It's where we are going right after this. It's like a sanctuary in the forest. When I saw it I was stunned. A forest full of people. Normal people who live together and protect each other. They have a tent city but amongst the trees. The trees are huge. Like giants. Everyone was nice and they gave me food and medical help and a tent to sleep in with warm blankets and a soft bed. I went with one nice lady down a path. We walked for a few minutes through the trees and then suddenly it opened and there was a huge swimming hole. It's completely walled in with rock cliffs and no one but the tent city people go there. It's protected. They swim in the cold water and they play. They play in the water."

  Anna doesn’t speak again. I hope she is imagining the tall trees. I hope she is ignoring the smell of old death. I can feel it trying to get in the bag I'm in. Like fingers made of smoke, it claws at my bag and tries to take over the air inside of my small space.

  Inside of the darkness with the heat of the sun bearing down on the black plastic bags we wait.

  I think I'm falling asleep when I first hear the sound. It's a truck. It makes a grinding noise. A sharp scream of metal fills the parking lot we are in.

  "Emma." Sarah whispers. I can hear the panic in her whisper over the plastic crinkle of her moving bag. I look through the small hole that I've been breathing through, to see Sarah's blue eyes watching my bag through the hole in hers.

  I open the hole a little and smile, "Stay calm. This is our ride out."

  Her eyes are full of worry. She nods. I can see the terror as the sound moves again and then moves closer.

  The sound is what I imagine it would be like being in a factory before the fall.

  My grampy worked a toilet paper factory when I was really little. He took me on a tour when I was six. I only saw a small part of the factory but the sound of it is burned into my memory.

  I feel the metal bin start to vibrate. I know the truck is closer. My breaths are so short and rapid that I feel dizzy. I can't seem to pull a longer breath than the little ones I'm getting.

  I am vibrating along with the metal dumpster.

  A loud bang knocks against the front of the bin. It pushes me back. I feel my foot tear through the bag. I struggle to push it down so that it isn’t sticking out and looking like a nurse is in the bin. I forgot to take the scrubs off.

&
nbsp; The vibration is so intense that I feel myself sinking into the pit of churning body bags.

  "Emma."

  I hear Sarah crying out.

  "Stay calm." I try not to shout, but I have to over the noise of the machine lifting us into the air. I feel the bin tilt to the front. I hear screams. I know at least some of them are ripping from my throat.

  My bag is tossed and turned, until it slides forward and is tossed into an abyss. My stomach lurches forward as I freefall for a second.

  I land against metal and bodies. Some are stiff but most are soft. I am lost in them. I don’t know which way is up or down. I can't feel gravity. I can feel the vibration again and the screech of the metal is everywhere.

  In between the sounds of the metal and gears I hear sobs. I don’t think they are mine.

  There is a final loud bang and then a jerk forward. I open the hole of my bag a little more. I can't see the light. I am under the bodies.

  I feel like I'm struggling for air. I don’t think it's that there is no air. I think it's a panic attack. My palms are covered in sweat. I need Leo. I need to run my fingers in his fur. I imagine I am touching him. I slide a hand out of the bag and feel with my fingers. My arms are trapped. The sobs get stronger.

  "Emma."

  "I can't see you, just a second. We'll be out of the gates in a minute. Just don’t freak out okay."

  Anna speaks softly, "Sarah we need to stay still until we get far enough away from here. Just try breathing through your mouth. See the hole is right there."

  I wish I had a hole leading somewhere.

  I remember what my dad told me about avalanches. I spit and feel it go up in the air and land back on my forehead. I wipe it off with the arm I've freed. I am on my back and have spit on my forehead.

  I start to wiggle and push through the bag above me. I tear the bag and push a body off of my other arm. My chest is tightening. The air is harder to get.

  I reach my hand up until it feels the air of the moving truck.

  I feel myself panicking. I want to claw myself free.

  I pull my arm in and look at the light in the gaps of the bags above me. I see other things in the tears I have created in the bags, but I try not to see anything but the light.

  I feel the truck lurch forward and come to a stop.

  I hear men talking. I hear them laughing.

  I am lying in a sea of death and they're laughing.

  The truck moves and I feel the bodies on top of me start to shift again. I count to ten and make myself wait an extra couple seconds.

  One Mississippi

  Two Mississi… Fuck it

  "Get them off of me. Get them off."

  I feel the shifting and the moving.

  "It's okay Emma. It's okay I can see you." My face is cleared suddenly and I can see the smiling face of Anna. She is about three bodies above me.

  I reach my hands up and start clawing at the bags.

  Anna's face grimaces, "No stop. You're opening the bags. Just give me a second to move them."

  I am vibrating. I can't wait. I want out. I want out now.

  The weight of them is crushing me. I never noticed but as they are lifted off, I feel relief.

  My upper body is freed first. I sit up and use the two dead women next to me to push my legs free. I kick and scramble until I am out of the clutches of the black bags. I see the light of the bright sunny day and the brown of the borderlands. I have never been so grateful to see old hay and dead crops. The green of the forest off to the left side wakes my heart up. We are driving very quickly. We need to get out of this truck before it takes us to the body dump. The drop at the one I saw was huge. It was a canyon. Bodies were splayed along the canyon walls and ground.

  Anna is breathing hard and sweating. Sarah is crying.

  I point to the back of the truck, "We need to jump."

  Sarah shakes her head. I grab her face and focus it on mine, "You need to trust me. You need this. Think about the swimming hole. We will be there in three days."

  She sobs with her eyes closed. Her little face trembles. She feels like she did the first day I met her in the dark. Frightened and tiny against the massive world that wanted to destroy us. It feels like nothing will ever change.

  I scramble over the bags of death. I don’t think about what I'm touching or doing. I climb to the edge of the filthy truck. I try not to imagine the diseases that linger on this metal ledge.

  "Don’t touch your face or anything until we can wash."

  Sarah sobs. Anna nods and watches Sarah.

  I sit on the ledge and feel the wind whip around me. If I close my eyes I am in the back of the truck and my dad is driving. We are on a gravel road in the middle of nowhere and he lets me ride in the back.

  I grip the ledge and look back, "Climb on here with me."

  They listen and move quickly.

  We sit on the ledge together. Gripping the metal and waiting.

  "When you feel the next sharp corner we jump. Tuck your arms and legs and try to roll for the ditch. The truck will slow for the corner."

  The truck is moving fast. Not fast enough that we will die but fast enough we may be injured.

  I feel the brakes hit hard and jerk us forward, as the truck veers and I shout, "Now." My fingers try to grip but I force them to let go. I roll from the truck.

  I hear the screams faintly in the background of the pain and ringing noise. My body bounces on the gravel. Dust is everywhere. Sharp pains cover me. I feel my body come to a stop but my head feels like it's still rolling. Hot liquid is seeping from above my eyes. When it covers my vision the world turns red for a moment.

  Through the blood I see a dusty haze. Sarah is picking herself up and pulling at Anna's arms. Anna shakes her head to straighten her vision out. They hop down into the ditch. They're shouting at me. My vision is clouded for a second. I see their faces screaming. I look behind me and see another ball of dust coming our way.

  It's another truck.

  I stand and run into the ditch. I dive between the thick grass and pull it over me. The truck roars around the corner spitting rocks everywhere.

  I can barely hear it over the ringing in my ears.

  I turn on my belly and throw up. Blood mixes with my vomit. I'm not going to die here. I force my trembling and twitching body to crawl out of the muddy ditch. I drag myself up the bank and climb over some dead fallen trees.

  "Emma this way." Anna is waving an arm at me. I can hear her but she sounds like she is shouting in a can.

  I turn and stumble to where they are sitting behind some trees and bushes.

  Sarah has a cut on her face that looks like road rash. It's not deep.

  "Can you move everything?"

  She nods.

  Anna has no wounds I can see but she is favoring her right arm. It hangs funny.

  She looks terrified, "I think it's broken."

  "Okay we need to get going. They can fix it at the camp."

  It's going to take us days to get back to the camp.

  "Can you walk?"

  She nods, "I have to walk Emma. It's not if I can or not. I'm not going back there. We need to bandage your head. It's bleeding bad."

  I nod and watch her tear at her scrubs. She ties a dirty white bandage to my forehead. It stings.

  "Okay. I think it'll hold."

  I offer Sarah my hand. She takes it and we start the long trek back to the building we've just left. I need to get my bearings and the trail back to the camp.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I look around for a sign of them but find nothing. I knew they would leave me but I never imagined they would leave me empty handed.

  They took my backpack even. I see the broken branches and can't help but smile a little. They may have left me but at least they make the walk back obvious.

  I point at the hillside in front of us, "It's this way."

  Sarah moans.

  I look at her and try not to snap, "We walk till dark. That’s the rule okay?"
My head hurts and it's making me a little mean.

  She slumps and starts walking. We are filthy in our white and pale blue clothes that are now stained and torn. Dirt cakes our faces mixed with the dried blood. The cut above my eye needs a stitch. It's not going to get it. I'm going to have a deep scar there.

  It's hard to care when I made it out alive. I never died there. I still block out the images of the torn bags and the things I saw in there. My little cut is nothing.

  My feet ache. The slippers are bad for hiking. I slip a few times. Anna is cautious. Her arm still looks funny.

  It takes all of our second day to get back to the place where I camped with Will and Jake and we roasted the hare. I lick my lips and think about the hare.

  Somehow remembering the hare makes me miss Meg. Her nattering took up the free air where my brain liked to roam while we walked. She stopped my thoughts and drove me insane in a different way than the hunger that is gnawing at my belly does.

  Sarah and Anna are like me. They're quiet. They think a lot.

  "I could go for a piece of the lemon meringue pie." Anna whispers the worst thing I've ever heard. My stomach grumbles. I can taste all of the food. The hunger is driving us all insane obviously.

  "I could go for the spaghetti from the first day." Sarah rubs her belly.

  I laugh, "No the pancakes, bacon and sausage breakfast."

  Sarah moans, "Ohhhh cook always whipped me up something she called hollandaise, secretly, to eat my home fries dipped in."

  Anna laughs, "You're disgusting."

  We pass the camp and the small charred fire that they tried to cover over. I roll my eyes when Sarah points to it, "Hey look a campfire."

  "Three guesses who hid that one when we camped here."

  Anna laughs, "Oh god I miss him."

  Sarah looks confused as she climbs over an old log, "Was it Jake?" We've told her enough that she knows he isn’t great at survival.

  "Yup. The branches are leading this way."

  We make it into the valley just below the camp by nightfall. We have walked non-stop. I know we are hours from the camp. I see the exhausted looks on their faces and cringe, "We need to keep going. Anna that bone is going to set wrong and you'll never have a range of motion with it."