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  We stare, watching him leave. He returns the glare when he gets in until the doors close.

  The air’s heavier with him gone.

  “You didn’t tell me he came to visit me in the hospital?” I ask, not needing to.

  “I shouldn’t have kept that to myself. But you were so wounded, and your family had said he wasn’t welcome.” Sam turns to me, putting his hands on my shoulders. “My dad broke up with you for me?”

  He’s right to make that the bigger question. I suspect a lifetime of missing happiness is linked to the story and all the regret currently drowning me from the inside.

  I don’t offer an explanation.

  There’s no need for one. The moment our eyes meet he sees the truth.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper but his hands drop to his sides.

  He swallows whatever he’s about to say and picks up the bag from the floor.

  “I don’t understand.” He furrows his brow. “Did he ask you to break things off?”

  “Uhm—he—” This is hell. I wish I was back in the car listening to Elaine tell my husband she missed his cock.

  “Jesus, Lil, did he tell you to stop seeing me? It’s pretty straightforward. Yes or no!” He’s angry now and I don’t want him to misunderstand. But the original dilemma is just as relevant as it was fifteen years ago.

  “He wanted what was best for you and he didn’t think that was—”

  “What did he do?” he shouts at me, making me jump.

  “He offered me—”

  “No my God.” Disgust and betrayal mix with the fury and shock already on his face. “He offered you money to stay away from me? Did you take it?”

  I can’t answer. My already fissured heart breaks completely and the pieces scatter. If there was even a hint of air in the hallway, they would blow off like bits of dust.

  “I can’t believe this.” He turns and walks away and I say nothing.

  For the second time in my life, Samuel Christianson walks away from me and I don’t try to explain. I want to but the secret and the lies seem too big.

  He opens his apartment door with rage. I’m bracing for him to slam it when Liz hurries out of my apartment shouting, “She didn’t take the money! I was there—I saw everything. She didn’t take it, you idiot.” She turns to me, her face is red and puffy, hinting that she’s been crying again. “Tell him!” she screams at the top of her lungs. Mrs. Weaver opens her door once more to see what’s going on.

  Sam peers back out at me.

  Tears threaten to blind me while choking my ability to speak.

  “Your dad came to the apartment and offered Lilly the money to cover the rest of her degree. For two years he would pay everything—tuition, rent, books, and food if she left you alone. She turned him down and got student loans.”

  Sam stares at me in disbelief, but my eyes flicker to my sister who holds her belly like she’s fighting something.

  “Liz?” I ask.

  “She loves you, Sam. She always loved you.” Liz winces and leans on the wall.

  “Sam, she’s on bed rest! She’s bleeding,” I say loudly as Liz moans.

  Everything else is a blur.

  Chapter 23

  April 3

  A knock at the door as I finish my workday catches me off guard. I walk over and check the peephole, finding Shawnee there. She has a bottle of wine in her hands.

  I answer with a wide smile. “Hi. How did you get in without ringing?”

  “Some guy let me in on his way out. I came to see my new nephew.” She grins back and walks in.

  “Well, he’s sleeping like a log now,” I mutter and take the wine, opening it a bit before the workday is meant to end but also not caring. “So what’s new?”

  The phone rings, interrupting her before she can respond.

  “It’s James.” I answer, “Hey.”

  He speaks impatiently, “Liz’s bleeding, a lot. We’re en route to the hospital. Women’s part of the IWK. Can you meet me there?”

  “Coming now,” I say and end the call. “My sister’s bleeding and is going to the hospital in an ambulance,” I repeat the message to Shawnee who points at the door.

  “Go!”

  “You’ll be okay, here?” I ask her.

  “Yes, I’ll hang with the cat.”

  I glance over to where he’s sleeping on the sofa. He offers one of those weird cat closed-eye grins. He’s been giving off a lot of those. He and I connected the moment we met and my life has been fuller since.

  “Okay. I’ll be back.” I sprint from the apartment, pulling on my mask in the elevator. I’ve forgotten a jacket so I’m shivering as Helen and I make our way to the women’s section of the IWK Hospital.

  Security at the front door stops me. “Hi there, we aren’t allowing visitors in the hospital at the moment. Are you here for yourself?”

  “My sister was brought here by ambulance. She’s seven months pregnant. She’s bleeding heavily,” I plead. “My brother-in-law called, he’s freaking out. He’s alone in there.”

  The officer shakes her head but I see she feels bad for me. “I’m really sorry. You can’t come in. Patients are allowed a single person with them.”

  I want to force my way in but the doors beyond this point are locked.

  “Okay,” I say, accepting my defeat. I text James, letting him know I’m not allowed inside, but I’m in the parking lot if he needs me.

  He doesn’t answer.

  I pace impatiently, waiting to hear something.

  Slowly, as the cold day seeps into my bones and gives me a bit of a chill, my mind drifts. Memories of Liz and I flit about, making me smile while bringing me close to tears.

  It’s the worst sort of hell, waiting for news.

  The mind imagines all the worst outcomes.

  My fingers are numb and my feet hurt from pacing when I see a face I recognize.

  James walks out of the hospital in his mask. “Hey.”

  “They won’t let me in.”

  “I know. They told me after we arrived. She’s stable. They’re working on her and won’t tell me anything. But they did say she and baby are alive and stable. He wraps himself around me and I hold him tight. His words are exactly what I needed. I suspect he needed them too.

  I take a seat on the cold bench next to the front doors and inhale a deep breath. “Oh thank God.” I feel like I’m suffocating in my mask, but I don’t take it off. “Thank you for coming out here.”

  “She’ll be here for a few days. You don’t have to stay. I’m staying. Your parents have the kids still. We’re fine. I promise.”

  “Okay.” I take another deep breath and wait for the news to reach my heart. “Can you tell Liz I love her?”

  “Of course.” He smiles. I can’t see his mouth but his eyes squint with it. “It’s funny, she was making me nuts all week. It was so bad I almost called you, but I know you’re just settling in. She was sleeping in the bed when it happened. Scared the devil out of me. I’m glad it was me and her, and not you there. That’s not something a sister should suffer through.”

  “She’s lucky to have you. If you need me, I’m here. And keep me posted when you hear something.”

  “I know. Thanks, Lil.” He offers a wave.

  I hate this. I turn and walk back to the car. It’s weird leaving and not being allowed to see my sister. This plague sucks. I’m so cold I can’t feel anything. And Helen isn’t warm enough when we drive away.

  I drive back home, heart beating too fast and worry not yet subsided though I know she’s fine.

  I’m exhausted with stress when I get home, but at least Shawnee is waiting for me. I don’t want to be alone right now.

  “Lil.” Rod’s eyes light up when he sees me step off the elevator onto my floor where he sits randomly in the hallway. It’s been nearly two months since I left and I have managed to avoid him. He gets up from the floor with more effort than he should. He’s drunk.

  “Why are you here?” I ask, wondering ho
w he knew where I lived but then recall the separation papers. They have my address on them.

  “Because you left and I miss you, and I know I fucked up. I’ve ended things with Elaine. It’s over.”

  “Fifteen years too late, buddy. And she just moved in with you. So I don’t know who you think you’re fooling with this lie.” I don’t walk anywhere near him. He probably has Covid and he’s one of those unkillable roach people who don’t have symptoms but, similar to Typhoid Mary, he’s leaving a wake of bodies.

  My phone vibrates, drawing my stare. It’s a message from Shawnee, an SOS to not come home. Rod is outside the door. The elevator probably delayed the arrival of this crucial text.

  “Elaine’s at her mom’s. She isn’t at our house.” He says it defensively. As if I’m wrong.

  “Okay, well I don’t care,” I state flatly and put my phone away. “I don’t love you. I don’t even hate you anymore.” It’s a truth I didn’t know until this moment. “You’ve been having an affair for our entire relationship. You’re a liar and a cheater and a fake friend. You’ve broken Brent’s heart. And I don’t care what you do.”

  “Lil!” He rushes toward me but I step back, closer to the elevator. “Just give me a second chance. You don’t know how much I miss you. I need you. My life has been empty since you left.”

  “Go home. Sign the separation papers. Leave me alone.” That’s all I have to say.

  His eyes narrow and a cold cruelty washes over him. It’s the same face that scared me in the bathroom the day I moved out. “You have to listen to my side!” he screams and I make a run for it.

  I don’t bother with the elevator and instead take the stairs. I’m sprinting down the second set when I hear the door burst open behind me.

  “Why are you running? I just want you to stop and listen!” he yells over the sound of his heavy feet on the stairs. My heart races and I’m pushing it as hard as I can. “You’re being ridiculous!”

  I’m not sure why I’m running or why that cold look in his eyes scared me, but I’m taking the advice of whatever survival instinct inside me told me to run.

  My heartbeat is so rapid I think I’m having a heart attack when I burst through the doors to the foyer and run for the front doors. Outside, where there are people on the sidewalks and a man in the courtyard, I stop and turn, waiting for him to come.

  It takes Rod a long time to get out the doors. He’s angry and red-faced like he’s also having a heart attack.

  “Stay back,” I say loudly, gasping for air.

  “No! You listen to my side. You’ve assumed so many things,” he rages and storms for me.

  “Stay back!” I shout, holding my hand out to emphasize that I mean this.

  But he disregards me and continues to march forward.

  “Is this man bothering you, miss?” an old man asks politely. He has a mask, like me, and white hair.

  “Stay out of this. She’s my wife!” Rod commands but the man isn’t having it.

  “Are you in danger?” he asks me.

  “I think so,” I say with little confidence because it’s Rod. He’s never lifted a finger at me but I’m scared. Maybe it’s because he’s drunk. Maybe it’s that he’s a narcissist and doesn’t lose well. Either way, I continue backing up as Rod comes forward. The older man steps between us and now I’m scared for him. His wife on the sidewalk is too, which is obvious by the look in her eyes.

  “Lilly?” a voice I recognize calls from behind me.

  I turn to see a guy from work. He’s younger, one of the property managers we hired this year. He’s adorable and exactly the man for this moment. He’s tall and works out every day. “Hi, Anthony,” I say, relieved to see him.

  “You okay?” he asks as he walks up wearing workout clothes and headphones. He’s probably out for a jog. “Oh hey, Rod?” Now he’s confused.

  “Stay out of this, Anthony. I just want to talk to my wife,” Rod says, flinging his hands in the air like a child. “Lil, tell them it’s fine, they can go.”

  “I want you to leave, Rod. And I don’t want you to come back.” My voice is confident now, knowing Anthony would have my back. Not that the old man is chopped liver, but Rod could take him. Just barely. However, Anthony is fit and strong.

  “You heard the lady,” the old man adds.

  Rod points a meaty finger at me. “You don’t get to decide for me. I decide.” It’s a weird comeback, and I almost laugh but manage to hold it together.

  “Okay, cool. I still want you to leave.”

  “Why is Anthony here?” Rod dares a step forward. “How come he’s allowed to stay?” He points at Anthony.

  “He’s nice,” I say flatly.

  “Yeah, you’re probably banging him already,” he taunts me. “Or were you two fucking behind my back? Is that why she left me?” He staggers a bit and still hasn’t caught his breath. “You little shit. Were you banging my wife? I’ll kill you!”

  “Rod, dude, you need to calm down. Me and Lilly have never—” Anthony pauses. “Are you two separated?”

  “Yeah,” I admit. “I live here now.”

  “Why don’t you go on inside and I’ll take care of this,” Anthony says, offering me an adorable smile.

  “You little fucker, you’re gonna fight me for this betrayal. We’re fighting, Anthony!” Rod puts his hands up. “Come on!”

  “You sure?” I ask Anthony, ignoring Rod.

  “Absolutely.” Anthony winks.

  I turn to the old man. “I think this is done. Thank you, sir,” I say.

  “All right.” He gives Rod one more glare before rejoining his wife on the sidewalk. He glances back to check on me and I wave before turning to Rod. “Go home,” I mutter and walk around him, giving a wide berth. When my back is to him, I’m scared but I need to show him that I don’t care. Because I genuinely don’t. Not today. And hopefully never again.

  “Are you fighting me for fucking my wife?” Rod asks, antagonizing Anthony. But it embarrasses me.

  “Just let it go,” Anthony answers with a laugh.

  “You let it go.” He comes back with another winner. “Let her go. She needs to come home with me right now. Lilly!”

  I lose the sound of him as I walk inside and take the elevator upstairs.

  Shawnee and Romeo greet me at the doorway and I drop to my knees, lifting my fluffy cat into my arms. He smells nice from the bath he had.

  “What happened? Is Liz okay? Where’s Rod?” Shawnee is overwrought.

  Taking a deep breath, I carry the cat over to my wine glass still on the counter and begin to fill her in.

  Chapter 24

  April 4

  A doctor walks toward us and for a second I’m hopeful she’ll stop and talk, but she doesn’t. We’ve been here for twenty hours, sleeping in shifts and waiting. They’ve told us she’s stable. That’s it.

  James sighs, maybe he was thinking the same thing.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper again.

  “Please stop apologizing. I love you but it’s getting annoying.” He’s in no mood for anything as we wait to find out how the second ultrasound went.

  Sam comes around the corner in his scrubs and a mask, something we’re all wearing. He offers a halfhearted wave as he makes his way to us. “She’s fine,” he blurts and sits across from us. “She’s totally fine. She has placenta previa, and in most cases the baby goes to term and everyone is okay. She’ll need to stay on bed rest and Ericka, her doctor, said she’ll need a C-section.”

  James lets out the loudest sigh I’ve heard a human make. He takes several deep breaths, puffing his mask in and out like it’s a paper bag he’s breathing into, before he stands. Sam stands and James does the thing we’ve all avoided doing with most people. He hugs Sam. Sam hugs back.

  His eyes dart to mine and the unfinished conversation sits between us like a great white elephant.

  “Can I see her?”

  “Yeah, we’re keeping her for a couple of days but come on.” He walks J
ames away and around the corner.

  I quickly text Mom and Dad that she’s fine. Then I call Shawnee.

  “Hey,” she answers. “Is she all right?”

  “Yeah, some weird placenta thing caused the bleeding. She’s okay. Bed rest for real this time, no shouting and getting worked up. And a C-section, which she will not be happy about.”

  “Thank God,” Shawnee says, sighing deeply as if this is the first big breath she’s had. “I was so worried when you called. I can’t believe Rod showed up after all this time.”

  “Yeah, I texted Brent and told him. He said Elaine is staying at her mom’s house because she and Rod broke up. I guess all that alone time wasn’t going well.” That makes Shawnee giggle.

  “Nothing like being trapped in a house with someone to bring a little perspective to things,” she says. “I love that the moment he and Elaine break up he’s back on your doorstep. That guy is unbelievable.”

  “I know. He’s such a jerk.”

  “I did try to tell you that. Remember on your wedding day when I said if you wanted to leave, I would come to Mexico with you, and we could run a beach bar?” She laughs but the memory is fresh in my mind. I’d thought she was being rude in the moment. Now I see she was warning me.

  “Is Mexico still an option?” I ask, half joking.

  “No! God knows when Covid will be over.”

  “I can’t wait to go to Kenya with you when it is over,” I say and gaze down the hall to find Sam walking back. “Oh, Sam’s coming. I have to go.” I hang up before she can say goodbye.

  I stand to greet him, needing to stretch my legs anyway. “They’re all right?” I ask, trying to start the conversation on anything but his dad.

  “They’re fine. Take a walk with me.” He leads me to a door that goes out into a garden. The air is cold and damp. He turns and stares at me, a taciturn and heartless glare flashes in his eyes. “I want the whole story. No bullshit or half-truths. You owe me that.”