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  I look toward Anna and hope she isn’t scared. I force the thought from my brain and look back at the infected dinner party. The last time I worried about either of them I got shot.

  I pull my mask from my back pocket and slide if over my face and loop it around my head. It's not a guarantee but it's better than a gamble.

  It's a rule. I wear it whenever they are around. The virus should have died out years ago but the ones who got sick after it mutated survived, if you can call it that. They are contagious but don’t seem to die, no matter how sick their bodies get. There aren’t many of them left but somehow they still manage to ruin lives.

  I count the heads, seven. Not to mention the one on the ground, if it's a human. It could be an animal. The infected have no sense. They attack anything that moves. Their hunger is too great. I've seen them attack a bush on a windy day.

  I can take down three at least before they will at least get close enough to make reloading my bow a gamble. I don’t like gambles. I know Anna has a pocket full of bullets, but I will be forced to trust she can shoot them before they get to me. It too feels like a gamble when I think about it.

  I feel stuck. My back is against a wall. I know Leo will take down one. Together we can guarantee four. It doesn’t feel safe enough. I turn back and look at the hill behind me. I want to go home. I want to climb the hill and climb into my own bed and lock the world out. Again I regret opening the stupid door. I should have left them. I should have left him in the hole.

  I am about to run and whistle when I look at Jake once more. He winks at me and grins. My stomach does the hurting twinge thing. My lips grin back. I never told them to do it. They seem to be making choices for themselves.

  I pull the arrow back and site in the largest one. I feel the gusts of wind and the cycle they seem to come in. A large gust hits and then leaves space in the air until the next one. I exhale and release the arrow. He has dark brown hair and his face is swollen. He was a man once. I turn my heart off to him and reload instantly.

  I feel the next gust and fire compensating for it. The arrow slices into a matted head of dark blonde locks. I reload ignoring the tickles on my cheeks. The infected have noticed two are down. They turn their faces around, searching. My next arrow hits the milky eye of an older one. The remaining four stand up and begin to make the squeal. I cringe knowing the sound will haunt me for weeks.

  My next arrow hits the one pointing at me. She drops the second it slides through her open mouth.

  I feel a shiver at the sight. I reload as the remaining three shriek and start their mad dash toward me.

  I drop another one before I turn and start to run for the nearest tree. I want to run the other way. I want to run into the hills and leave them but my feet don’t listen to me. My leg won't make it far with the bullet hole in it. The long grass tangles in my feet and pulls at me. My leg burns and tries to convince me to stop running.

  "Emma. Emma." I ignore the voice and run. I feel the panic hitting.

  "Emma they're all dead."

  I reach the bark of the huge tree. I want to climb but the pain in my thigh is killing me. I grip the massive branch and pull myself into the tree using only my arms. I've practiced this. I pull myself up and sit on the branch. I look down at the two people standing in the grass looking at me like I'm nuts. Leo paces. He understands. We've run from them many times.

  Jake approaches the tree limping slightly. He puts his hands out like he is scared of me, "Emma they're all dead."

  "How?"

  Anna beams, "I shot them. I waited for them to run to you and then dropped them all instantly."

  "You? You killed them?"

  She tilts her head, "You still don’t trust us to help you?"

  I want to say yes but I sit for a moment in the tree.

  "I'm stuck."

  Jake stands below the huge branch and puts his arms out, "Jump."

  I throw down my bow and arrows and look around. The field doesn’t move, except where the winds stroke the dark amber colored grass.

  I turn over on my belly and lower myself from the branch. I hang there for a second before the strong arms circle me and hold me tightly. The screaming agony of my leg is dulled suddenly.

  Leo nudges my legs and whines.

  Jake's breath brushes against my face as he speaks softly, "You looked a bit like you were going to run away."

  I don't realize how close our faces are until I see myself in his eyes. I bite my lower lip and shake my head, "I panicked. I've never been hurt like this when they were close before."

  He pulls me close, "I'll protect you Emma." He looks toward his sister, "We both will."

  I can see the darkness in her eyes, it's the same look I give everyone.

  "Thanks." I say it just loud enough.

  She nods, "You killed most of them. You have to leave more for me to kill next time"

  I still feel scared and alone.

  Jake places me on the ground softly. "Emma you're like Robin Hood."

  I smirk, hearing the reference to the novel I love.

  Anna sighs, "Jake don’t start again on the stories."

  I smile at him, "I love reading too. I've read the same books for ten years. Sometimes I get lucky and find a small paperback that I can fit in my pack. Robin Hood is one of my favorites. My granny read it to me when I was little."

  Jake smiles and I see it again. There is a joy inside of him that I have never seen before. I think I must have in the world before, but I don’t really remember it. I want to be near him. He makes me feel things I've only read about.

  Instead of enjoying the feeling of being near him a heavy disgusting feeling blankets me. It forces away the borrowed joy from him.

  I almost left him. I almost left them. I will leave him. It's my nature.

  He frowns at me, "I'd ask a penny for your thoughts but I think it would be more than I can afford."

  I laugh, but it isn’t the free feeling of joy I had seconds ago.

  I walk away from him and pat Leo, who is needy suddenly. He rubs up against me and jumps up on his back legs to stand. He wraps his paws around me. I hug him back.

  "I love you too." I whisper into his fur. I glance at them and nod in the direction of the farmhouse. "It's a days walk to the house." I point down the hill.

  "We need to deal with him too." Anna points at the beige mass at the bottom of the field and trees.

  I squint, "It's a man."

  "Great. You get to kill him."

  I laugh bitterly and hand over the bow and arrow to her. She thinks like me and I like it. She never fired once when I was shooting the arrows. She understands conservation.

  She gives me a wide-eyed smile and takes the bow, "Really? I've never done this before."

  "We need to walk closer to him. When you pull the arrow back control every inch of your arms. It feels hard at first but you get used to the tension.

  We walk to where the hill crests. We are near one of the fallen infected. I can smell him. I point at a tree further to the right, "Let's stand over there."

  We walk away from the smell of the rotting sick carcass. At the tree she attempts to pull the arrow back. Her skinny arms tremble.

  She looks frustrated.

  I laugh, "I know how you feel right now. It took me two years. It won't happen on the first try."

  She pouts, "Can we make me a bow maybe?"

  I nod excitedly. We haven’t had much to talk about.

  I take the bow and arrow. I pull back and sight in the dying man. His body trembles slightly. His skin has chew marks. The infected will eat anything.

  "Hold it steady, sight in what you want to shoot and then take a deep breath." I exhale and release the arrow. We are close enough that it makes a slicing sound as it enters his temple. "Always exhale when you release." I grimace as I see the arrow sticking out of his bleeding head.

  "Wow."

  I nod, "Yeah it took a lot of practice."

  "Sweet fucking god."

  I
turn. "What?"

  Jake is standing behind us, "You guys do realize that's a person you just shot. These were all people."

  Anna scoffs, "They're infected Jake. They're not like you or me or even the city people."

  I frown, "City people?"

  Jake looks down at the grass.

  Anna looks at me, "We saw it. We went close enough to see it."

  "Electricity? Running water?"

  She nods, "Everything. No cars but a subway and houses and pretty big buildings. It's on the edge of the desert."

  I feel sickened by asking the question but I ask anyway, "What about the farms?"

  She shivers, "Up and running still. I think the babies go to the city after they're born."

  Jake sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He appears to be bothered by the conversation.

  "He's military."

  "What?" I look at Anna who is pointing at the dead man with the arrow sticking out of his temple.

  I look at his boots and shake my head, "We need to be far away. Now."

  We don’t talk. We leave the arrows sticking out of the faces of the people on the ground. I never take the arrows from the infected. We walk across the small field and into the forest on the other side.

  I watch Leo the entire walk. It stops me from watching Jake. Leo is the best warning system. Jake is a distraction.

  Chapter Six

  The farmhouse sits quiet, just like I hoped it would. I've never come back to it so quickly. It serves our purpose the best though. It has the longest, most off the beaten track, driveway of the four and it's the closest to my cabin.

  We peel off our soaking wet clothes. My wound burns from the cold river water and the exertion of wading through the river for such a long ways.

  I have done it before, but it's not my favorite way to get to the house. I've been followed before. I don’t know if we were followed today but I can't chance it.

  I can't help but steal a glance at Jake as he pulls his wet shirt off and drops his jeans on the floor. His wound is bright purple. The brand new scar that's the developing is lumpy and ugly.

  "It's bigger than I thought it would be."

  I look up at him smiling at me, staring.

  I pull my pants off and notice for the first time he has drawings of dinner rolls on his boxers.

  I raise an eyebrow.

  He laughs, "Buttered buns."

  "I don’t get it."

  "That's because you were nine when the world went crazy."

  I feel my face blushing, realizing it's obviously something filthy, "You were only eleven." I say out of spite.

  He laughs, "I was but my older brother was sixteen. So that makes me more like fifteen when it happened."

  I stop smiling, but he doesn’t stop talking.

  "Will was a bad kid. Our dad used to get so mad at him. He had a magazine collection that could shock a whore."

  I flinch at the word. I know what it means and I know how it works but I've never physically heard anyone say it. The conversation feels wrong suddenly.

  "One time he was dating this girl Angela and he…"

  "Jake."

  I look back at Anna who is making a distasteful face, "Dirty Will stories in your underwear is creepy dude."

  I smile. Jake blushes. He looks at me through his bangs and my heart feels like it's too big for my chest.

  "Where is your brother?" I don’t want to ask but I know I have to.

  Anna answers from behind me, "We hope dead."

  I nod. I leave it at that. I know that feeling.

  Jake's face is haunted. I swear I see guilt but I leave it.

  I feel weird being in the house with other people, not just because it's one of my havens but also because I am never with other people. Ever.

  My leg aches. I know I won't sleep. I look at Anna, "You guys sleep first. Me and Leo will take first watch."

  Jake frowns, "Why don’t we all just sleep. There is no way anyone followed us Emma."

  I want to slap him, it is irrational, but his survival skills leave a lot to be desired.

  Instead I turn and walk away, Anna has it.

  "Dude we will take watch here every night. It just feels safe here, that doesn’t mean it is."

  "Fine. Whatever."

  I pull the knife that I stole from the dead military guy out of my boot and rub it down with the bleach I pulled out from under the sink. I wipe the blade down and my fingers. I pour water from my bottle over my fingers and the blade. I hate that I touched something of someone else's.

  I catch Jake watching me.

  I ignore him. I ignore my heart's desire to flutter every time he glances at me.

  I will leave him. It's in my nature.

  Instead I look at Leo, who has positioned himself in front of the back door and curled into a ball.

  "So much for helping, hey boy."

  He opens one yellow eye and closes it again.

  I take my new knife, my bow and quiver and my bottle of water to the door. I rub Leo's head once and head out into the night quietly. I stealth across the gravel silently.

  I open the barn door and slip inside. The darkness of the barn is frightening, but I grip the handle of the blade for strength. I climb the stairs, feeling like something will grab my feet any second and drag me down into the hay. I will finally hear my greatest fear, my own ripping and tearing.

  I climb into the hayloft and sit in the open window. The dark night is silent. I don’t like silence. I like the sounds of animals telling me I am safe. I open my ears and close my mind against the sounds that haunt me.

  I hear them suddenly.

  The night creatures that will warn me of any intruders fill my ears. There is a cricket, a single cricket out in the field. I hear a bat off in the woods south of the farm. Something snorts behind the barn in a way that makes me smile.

  Whatever it is, it's rooting. The signs of life fill me with a mistaken and misguided hope. I know the reality of it all. I am not fooled by the warm and fuzzy feelings.

  I know we are lost, all of humanity is.

  I know what we have done to each other. We are no longer human. Our humanity is lost. The animals have bested us in behavior and survival.

  The door to the house slips open. Anna crosses the driveway carefully.

  A smile crosses my lips, she is a survivor.

  "His leg is infected."

  Her whispered words cut me. I know what we must do but I'm not prepared to do it.

  She sees my face in the dull moonlight, "I know. I feel the same way."

  "The medicines are all expired."

  "We have to go for him. His fever has returned. The red lines have started. My dad warned me about the red lines."

  My eyes leave the deserted yard and fix on hers. They glisten in the moonlight.

  "I will go alone."

  The glistening spot in the dark lowered, "I can't ask that of you."

  "He can't travel."

  "But I can't ask that of you. He is my burden."

  I laugh softly into the cool night air, "He really is isn’t he? How is he so clueless?"

  Her lips curl into a grim smile the darkness can't hide from me, "He worshipped our brother. They joked and laughed while dad tried to teach us how to survive. Dad always called them the grasshoppers who played all summer."

  The reference makes me flinch, as my granny's face flashes across my mind.

  "When dad died Will took care of us, but he wasn't a survivor. It wasn’t his fault. Dad let them play." I can hear the tears filling her face, "When Will got taken I was eleven. Jake has tried but he's, well he's a moron."

  I look back out into the yard, "He's amazing Anna. He's still full of the things we've all lost. He smiles and laughs and sings. I heard him humming the other day and I almost shot him myself and then I realized I haven’t hummed since I was nine years old." My skin shivers when I think about spying on him humming. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

  "He's a goof. We will trav
el together Em."

  I look back harshly, "He will die if we make him travel. Those red lines are blood poisoning and once they reach his heart he's dead. I will go and you will stay and keep him safe."

  I am risking my life for him. I feel like I am back at the cabin door and she is knocking. I am going to regret this decision.

  "I'll leave tonight. You will have to keep Leo with you. He can help you."

  Her voice is small, "I can't ask this of you."

  It's my turn to smile bitterly, "Guess you'll have to trust me."

  I stare out into the night, it's peaceful and quiet. It scares me more than anything suddenly.

  I feel my jaw tense, "If I'm not back in three days you'll have to cut the leg off and clot it. Don't give him liquor before you cut it off, it thins the blood and he will bleed out. Clotting is done with a hot iron. You press it against the stump where the leg bleeds to seal the veins."

  I don't look at her. I can't. "The red lines means he has a week at the most. He will need tons of soup and water and rest. He can fight it somewhat with those things." I stand, "I'll leave tonight."

  My leg aches at the thought of leaving.

  The barn feels less scary with her in it and I realize my whole life feels that way.

  Chapter Seven

  I don't look back. I know he's watching me. I can't bear to see the look on his face. His eyes will haunt me forever. I've never left him before. He's always part of whatever I undertake. He waits in the woods while I raid houses, but he's there. This is the first time I turn my back on him and I don’t know if I will be back.